Here I sit in Barnes & Noble drinking cinnamon dolce steamer samples and mocha frapachino……….. huuuummm… losing my train of thought more often than not…. that’s a bunch of magazines on that magazine rack…… It’s huge and distracting too me…. It has all possible magazine types, for all types of interest and issues out there today, at least in the U.S. , even some international magazines I see……… Oh look at that one; Mary Jane's Farm Magazine…. that’s funny, because my Mom’s name is Mary Jane….. What a name….. Why did they call weed, Mary Jane I wonder..., Did a Mary Jane farm weed at some point? I’ve never smoked weed before… I probably never will, but, I do wonder what the big deal is. I guess, perhaps maybe I would smoke it once, if I had an opportunity…. I did decide about two years ago that I should not smoke anymore; I can feel how bad it is for me every time I do it. Sometimes though…… I really want to smoke not regular cigarettes, but cloves, cigars, pipes and sheesha. My friends and I went to Egypt about 7 years ago, I was smoking pipes and cloves more often than, and there in Cairo, They smoke tobacco out of water pipes/hookahs….. The best smoking experience I had was on the Red sea, in the city of Dahab, at a sheesha bar right next to the sea……. I was feeling pretty good after that smoke……. My friends’ brother was with me, and he thought I was so funny…… I will never forget that trip, or that night….. I should go back to Indy and the place called the Cairo cafe, there is a hookah bar there and they have some great traditional tobacco flavors, my favorite is the apple flavor…… They also had strawberry in Egypt, and Egyptian tobacco, which I didn't like the flavor of….. The strawberry was way too sweet. So it made me kind of sick to my stomach…. Anyway, that was a good, good trip…..That is the only thing I have really thought about smoking most recently, and Cairo cafe seems like a good place to do it…. hehehehehehehe….Mary Jane Farm, I should get that for my mum….
How had I come to believe, that the deep things of my heart and mind were not important? Who told me they didn’t care about the things I was feeling or thinking about? The truth of the matter was, that no one actually said I don’t care about what you think or feel, they just never bothered to ask. Never being asked is another way to let someone know that they are not valued. In response to some of the most important people in my life not bothering to pursue my young heart and mind, I believed I had nothing to offer or give that would be of any value to anyone else. I believed I was stupid. I heard it over and over in my heart and head with out a second of doubt of its truth. Not until my twenty sixth year did the truth that I believed about myself reveal it’s self as a lie. There were six of us who met each week, five younger women and our leader, a woman the five of us had approached to ask if she would be willing to let us learn from her and be mentored and guided ...
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