Yesterday, I was reading the book of first Corinthians chapter 13; it’s the chapter about love. Before I sat down to read I was feeling spiritually attacked, the attack consisted of worry, doubt, hopelessness, and discouragement with my physical self. Sometimes the struggle between me and my emotions is so intense. They are powerful things these (female) emotions. I have discovered that if you let them they will rule you. Writing about emotions is not a new thing for me, and battling it out with them is an everyday war. Ya, I think you know who, likes to use them to make me crazy and to keep me from stopping to come before God. All that said, yesterday around five pm, I collapsed on my bed with my bible and journal in hand. Why I wonder does it take us so darn long to figure out that we need to be still and give it too Christ. That He has said he will never leave us or forsake us, that He is always there wondering why we haven’t spoken with Him lately. 1 Cor. 13: 4-7 Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts . . . it always trusts . . . right there is where I got stopped. How many times do we say ya, we believe He has called us His own, and that He is always there, and that he knows the plans He has for us and He loves us. I lose control of those emotions when I fail to trust that He will provide. After awhile of a really amazing time in His presents and after clearly hearing Him say trust me. My emotions rested in that trust. I never sleep better then when I trust that He has called me His and given His Grace so abundantly.
How had I come to believe, that the deep things of my heart and mind were not important? Who told me they didn’t care about the things I was feeling or thinking about? The truth of the matter was, that no one actually said I don’t care about what you think or feel, they just never bothered to ask. Never being asked is another way to let someone know that they are not valued. In response to some of the most important people in my life not bothering to pursue my young heart and mind, I believed I had nothing to offer or give that would be of any value to anyone else. I believed I was stupid. I heard it over and over in my heart and head with out a second of doubt of its truth. Not until my twenty sixth year did the truth that I believed about myself reveal it’s self as a lie. There were six of us who met each week, five younger women and our leader, a woman the five of us had approached to ask if she would be willing to let us learn from her and be mentored and guided ...
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