The Color Green

September 13th is the day, it feels a bit crisp out and speaks of a soon close to summer. once again Autumn is not too far away. It's my 39th Autumn season, and I have to say it is still my favorite, ever sense I can remember. I love the color. Autumn, is the season where trees of green, burst into colors of flaming warmth, and find their end. They die. It is the most beautiful season I know, and yet it speaks of death. I don't always understand this, how can something that speaks of death be so beautiful?

This life, the one here in this decaying body, is easily missed. I'm not sure when it started happening, but some where along the way of my journey I have become less aware of the present, less aware of the moments that I'm in right now. The longing to be somewhere other than in the moment seems to dictate my thoughts most days. Soon it's tomorrow, and because I wasn't present in the time I can't remember what happened five days ago. As I sit here, thinking about this broken down part of my life, I wish I could have a way to slow things down so I could remember to "Be Here Now" -John Mangrum

Not sure why, but I feel weepy today. Most likely I'm getting ready to have that time of the month, though I'v also been fighting some kind of sick too. The sick feels like it's getting the better of me today. That being said, all these things reminde me of how much I need God! I fall on the floor and tears stream down my cheeks and in the mess I cry (really cry tears) to God. As I lay there, sick and sore, face wet, nose red and runny, as I cry my prayer to Him my sobbs slow and I am in the moment. All of the sudden I'm just still and quite even my thoughts have stilled. I breath, I keep talking to God, but mostly, I'm quite, and still. He remindes me of his words, proverbs, Psalsms, John. I feel like a little kid on the floor, He is there with me. carring me, always listening to me, talking to me. I forget some times, and I forget so long, that I have to get sick or have a bad day before I stop and acknowledge His constant presents. He is always with us, ...

There is a good chance that my rational thought prosess has been taken over my by my over emotional female self! The female emotions are powerful forces, and so often I grow weary of trying to keep them in check. Which I believe all women should do! The only thing that helps me most is my relationship with God and others. All that said, I do feel that female emotions are valuable, and they matter. They give us insight and understanding that often times is not based on how much we know of this world. How we feel should never be discounted or pushed aside because feeling are less important than rational thought. Rational thought is good but it doesn't trump the feelings of others. On to other thoughts, today I am tired! I have been tired for days, and I don't understand why. I have been working out three times a week, when we work out regularly aren't we suposed to gain a bit more energy? ya, that doesn't seem to be happening to me. I really hope there isn't...