Not sure why, but I feel weepy today. Most likely I'm getting ready to have that time of the month, though I'v also been fighting some kind of sick too. The sick feels like it's getting the better of me today. That being said, all these things reminde me of how much I need God! I fall on the floor and tears stream down my cheeks and in the mess I cry (really cry tears) to God. As I lay there, sick and sore, face wet, nose red and runny, as I cry my prayer to Him my sobbs slow and I am in the moment. All of the sudden I'm just still and quite even my thoughts have stilled. I breath, I keep talking to God, but mostly, I'm quite, and still. He remindes me of his words, proverbs, Psalsms, John. I feel like a little kid on the floor, He is there with me. carring me, always listening to me, talking to me. I forget some times, and I forget so long, that I have to get sick or have a bad day before I stop and acknowledge His constant presents. He is always with us, all the time. We have to be willing to be aware. Or be sick! LOL Oh when will I ever learn? Thanks for Your Grace Oh God!
How had I come to believe, that the deep things of my heart and mind were not important? Who told me they didn’t care about the things I was feeling or thinking about? The truth of the matter was, that no one actually said I don’t care about what you think or feel, they just never bothered to ask. Never being asked is another way to let someone know that they are not valued. In response to some of the most important people in my life not bothering to pursue my young heart and mind, I believed I had nothing to offer or give that would be of any value to anyone else. I believed I was stupid. I heard it over and over in my heart and head with out a second of doubt of its truth. Not until my twenty sixth year did the truth that I believed about myself reveal it’s self as a lie. There were six of us who met each week, five younger women and our leader, a woman the five of us had approached to ask if she would be willing to let us learn from her and be mentored and guided ...
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