Sometimes, in certain company I remember who I was before God changed me. I remember the things I feared and the lies I believed, not because of those people, but because of the bondage those lies had over me at the time. I remember the day I literally felt those bonds crumble and fall off of my soul, I remember where I was, and who was with me, and the prayers that were prayed over me. As those prayers were prayed I knew I wasn’t the same. I knew that I was no longer bound by the lies I had lived my life by for so long. Even though I can say this is when God changed me, I would also have to say, that the change was not complete at that moment. I distinctly remember still struggling with, and still now I struggle with the lie that I believed for so long. There are so many other lies that I have believed in the past. God truly is my hero, and protector and savor, because I can look back and see the mighty working of his spirit in my heart and mind, How he has changed those lies into the truth, that is Him. He has not given up on me, and I should not give up on who he is shaping me to be even though I’m 34, and sometimes I think stuff like “what good am I” “Maybe He can’t use me any more” “It might be better if I just die now.” When I think these things, he gets my attention and brings to mind the ways he has changed me in the past, he also says look at the process of that time, and remember what you felt within that time, remember, and know that I will bring you through it. Always remember brothers and sisters, He will bring you through it. It may not be in the way we think he will, in fact most of the time it’s not. =)
There is a good chance that my rational thought prosess has been taken over my by my over emotional female self! The female emotions are powerful forces, and so often I grow weary of trying to keep them in check. Which I believe all women should do! The only thing that helps me most is my relationship with God and others. All that said, I do feel that female emotions are valuable, and they matter. They give us insight and understanding that often times is not based on how much we know of this world. How we feel should never be discounted or pushed aside because feeling are less important than rational thought. Rational thought is good but it doesn't trump the feelings of others. On to other thoughts, today I am tired! I have been tired for days, and I don't understand why. I have been working out three times a week, when we work out regularly aren't we suposed to gain a bit more energy? ya, that doesn't seem to be happening to me. I really hope there isn't...
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