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Lonely

Other people's perspective is good.  When I spend to much time by myself I lose out on perspectives that are not all about me. The easiest place to live my life is without others, it's less complicated less messy.  It's also less of my flaws being seen by others who may chose to toss me away because of them. Why would I risk that?  Despite my selfish lazy tendencies in relationships with others, I have to say that I was not created to live this life unto myself. I was created to live life with others and for others. I fail to do so on so many accounts all the time.  

Lately though, I have to say of all my relationships at least right now, none of them really and truly engage me in very relationally deep ways.  I haven't felt even a little filled, In fact all of them drane me. Ok maybe that is a little bit of an exaggeration, I would say that I have been a part of two small groups and within those groups I have felt better, but I don't feel really close to anyone. I think it sucks, and maybe it's my falt. Not sure?

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