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My soggy pillow

What ever keeps me close to you Oh God, put it in my life.  Though it hurts and aches though it wrenches my heart and soul over and over again, yet will I trust you.  At times it pulls me down under the air, I grasp for the pain to stop.  I cry out to you, soon my days and nights are ceaseless prayers that bring tears to my eyes for hours until I fall asleep only after I'm weary with struggle. Sometimes I am woken by the struggle once again, I cry out to God, and again I drench my pillow with tears, I finally fall asleep.  I'm crying out to you Oh God over and over. I guess that's good if it means that I walk so close to you, but damn, it really hurts.  Why does it take pain for us to remember to just rest and abide with you, to trust you, to talk to you, to give up the things we struggle with the most.  I'm sure that this post is a broken record, but I'm broken and there is nothing else for me but to be on my face.

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