The Color Green

My eyes are closed, my breaths are deep and they are taken away by the strong sea breeze blowing in my face. The breeze is cool off the southern cost this morning. The sun though, kisses my skin and keeps me warm. The dry part of the sandy beach is already warm against my body as I stretch across it with my face to the sky. As I lay here the crashing water against the beach, and the wind ,drowns out any other sounds. Nothing else can keep my attention, my surroundings are all enticing and will hold my thoughts still for the remainder of the morning and afternoon. This is my first day here, tomorrow, I may build a sand castle, and chase the seagulls.

Most of the time life isn’t what we think it will be. Most of the time life isn’t even what we want it to be, and yet in the words of someone else I’m sure, it deafeningly seems to be a tapestry of many stories. I wonder sometimes what it might look like to God. I wish I could see it from that distance sometimes. It sure would be something to see. I would need different eyes to see it clearly though. Maybe I would just need a different kind of brain, Or maybe a different body all together. As this body gets older, and starts to remind me that death is real. I think more often about the days when it felt like living forever was a possibility. The one thing that seems to get a little sharper despite the failing and ageing body is the mind attached to it. Despite the young mind it likes to forget that the body is not young. I tend to do stupid stuff like jumping of the row of big rocks at the local park like I did when I was thirteen and unbreakable, at lest more so than I am now. Thirty’

Every other Saturday I spend the day helping people relax. I'm a massage therapist. Really it's one of the best jobs I’ve ever had and I’ve had a few. The only thing about giving massages all day is that on the following day most of the time I feel completely wiped out, funny thing is most of the time I forget that I worked so hard the day before and I'm always wondering why I am so tired. Most of the time it will dawn on me at some point that”oh ya, I did eight hour massages yesterday" that would explain the draggy feeling. At the moment I'm half way through the day and so far I’ve only had 4 hour massages. I at this point have two more to go, not so busy today I guess.

Oh coffee, today you are not doing much to help with the heavy eye lids threatening to ruin any chance of being productive. For days now I haven't been able to shake this brick wall of my body. I think I need a jack hammer anyone got one? If so I could use a hand pulverizing some brick.

He held her hand in his; she was reminded of a song where the spaces in between his fingers were perfectly filled with hers. It seemed to be true in their case too. Sometimes she, when he was near and it was still, would just sit and memorize every part of who she knew him to be. When he discovered her eyes on him, he would smile with a knowing smile. He wouldn’t look away though from his book or article, and she continued on with her gaze, encouraged by the wrinkles that lit up his eyes with his amusement of her.

As I get older, I get this sense more and more that life, the one we are living right now is really quite empty. The older I get the more I am aware of the fact that I am not whole, that there are pieces of me missing. As my incompleteness weighs heavy on my mind I continue to walk through the days. The breaths I take are sometimes without relief. My desire to move to a new place throbs in my skin. Yet i feel some invisible force holding me here, at least for now. When I perceive the hold, I'm reminded of the fact that truly, I don't live where I was meant too. No matter where I go here in this place, I will always feel like leaving again, because I can never be in the place I'm really supposed to be here in this life. And so i come back to hope, mostly I live there. Though at times it dims and slips out of focus. I think that would be why we need each other, we need each others sight sometimes to see the hope, which, if I recall will be something that will remain. (Faith,

For some time now I have set aside my hope for marriage. Every spring though I find myself once again hoping that my life might change in that direction. I once again pick up that book about love, I find myself observing couples holding hands and looking into each others eyes. I pull out the romantic chic flicks, this spring I also have been taking in those cute little popular songs written about some guy or girl who in love. As I think about this hope phenomenon that seems to acre every spring, I find it to be a breath of fresh air. To hope in this way, feels like my spirit is lighter and I sometimes even feel more whole. The power of hope is strong, and it reminds me to have faith in the fact that despite my little self who is nothing in this world, He has called me his own, and He said He would never leave me or forsake me. For some reason lately, I have doubted that He wants me as His own. Just when I start despairing into this lie, he swoops in and once again tells me to hope, to

I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, Because I hear about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints. I pray that you may be active in sharing your faith, so that you will have a full understanding of every good thing we have in Christ. Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints.             Philemon 1: 4-7 This past weekend, I had a taste of what I know in my heart Our God has in mind for us as his creation, a taste of something good. My beautiful family, Oh how rich I feel after being in fellowship with them younger or older they may be. I feel full, and yet filled with longing too, a longing for the day when we will be made new in every way. As I think of our time this weekend together, I realize in my heart that there were so many things about the time that were not perfect, many dynamics of family that have a not so pretty picture. Do we really care for each other th