The Color Green

 Oh happy day, when the sun indeed is not covered over by stinky gray clouds! AAAHHHH! Keep them away I pray, keep the clouds away, until the earth is warm again, until the rain is not cold. Bring on the summer thunder storms. I can't wait to hear them pound my windows with their booms and light flashes. For I know when they come that the summer air is once again fighting for its place in this next season.

I'm done, so very done with gray skies. They are sucking the life out of me. I want to sleep all the time, and at night i don't want to sleep, because, I need to get things done that I missed doing because the gray sky won't leave, and take with it my depression. I'm staying up too late, and sleeping in too long in the morning. I'm losing sleep, and getting too much sleep. I'm being sucked in by my dreams. I'm almost wishing I could just stay in them. Its like be pulled into the rabbit hole in Alice and Wonderland. Will it end, perhaps when I die? I need an electric shock to my brain, which seems to be empty. "Rain, rain, go away" you suck!

A fat cooshy chair in the corner of my favored book store is holding my ass within it's grasp, it has a view of the blue sky and the shelves of wonderfully new books who's pages beckon my fingers to turn their pages. My eyes,(they are dark brown), scan the words that trigger my thought patterns. I slip farther into a world created for my mind and heart. The script that invades my physical reality may even become part of one of my dreams or memories. Oh power of letters that form emotions such as happiness and fear, hope and embarrassment. Perhaps it all started,"In the beginning was the word,and the word was with God,and the word was God."

It's a cold rain that falls, when winter is almost over and spring has whispered it's presents. The rain clouds tuck in the sun for another group of days that will water the brown grass and leafless trees. Next week today,April will be at the door step ready to shower the May flowers out of their earthy blanket. This event is raising through my winter arms and legs,through my hibernationed mind and soul. Calling forth a renewed sense of hope and energy... At Last!

Soon I think my bed has said soon I'll lay down my head. Last week I got the new bed I ordered the week before. Now,I'm finding it just a bit more difficult to get myself Out of bed in the morning. It's ben awhile sence sleep has Been a happy thought. Anyhow, I think I better Be off too dream land. =)

Sometimes, in certain company I remember who I was before God changed me. I remember the things I feared and the lies I believed, not because of those people, but because of the bondage those lies had over me at the time. I remember the day I literally felt those bonds crumble and fall off of my soul, I remember where I was, and who was with me, and the prayers that were prayed over me. As those prayers were prayed I knew I wasn’t the same. I knew that I was no longer bound by the lies I had lived my life by for so long. Even though I can say this is when God changed me, I would also have to say, that the change was not complete at that moment. I distinctly remember still struggling with, and still now I struggle with the lie that I believed for so long. There are so many other lies that I have believed in the past. God truly is my hero, and protector and savor, because I can look back and see the mighty working of his spirit in my heart and mind, How he has changed those lies into the...

I dream of having problem free skin. I dream of the day food stops being a way to feel good, or comfortable, when it’s just food. I dream of a time when I can run, and play outside like when I was young with out pain. I dream of a time when all this sad heart no longer weighs down my soul. I dream of a time when music will be the theme of our day, and bitterness and anger will be no more. I dream, about a time when dreams are true, and no longer dreams.

Our whole lives are surrounded by story. We ourselves are living a story within billions of others living their stories all over this world. All of us with our little personal stories make up a larger story, a very real and true story. Who can say what this larger story is about, and do we see hints of it’s theme in real and made up stories we tell today. A lot of people, me included like stories about real people, but there are also those of us who like the made up stories. I’m sure there have been many people who ask, why people like made up stories so much, why don’t they just stick to reality. There are many incredible stories that are true stories, ones that bring hope, and joy, they bring justice, and peace and they give us motivation to fight for the good things of life. I think, the truth of it is, that made up stories have truth about life in them. They may be made up, but they speck of things in life that are true. Mostly I think it tends to speck to the longing in all our he...

Ah yes, spring has finally come to Bloomington Indiana. Oh happy day and we will be switching to daylight savings time this weekend. There will be more sun to cheer the soul. The best part about having four seasons is the joy that comes when the season you’re in has been long, and we come to a point where we think ok, I'm ready to welcome the next season to come. We had a good winter this year, it was snowy and cold, I loved it. There were times when the sun did not shine for weeks. Now, spring has come, and there is the hope of warmth and warm rain that falls too turn dead winter into green and flower. It's time to plant seed, and watch things blossom and grow. It is a good time, hopeful really. Ah, Hope, it comes with the next season, that's why we long for the next season. Hope!

When I first read Proverbs 8, I was so exited.  I love the fact that wisdom is called a she.  How beautifull she is too.  I long to understand her more. Proverbs 8 Wisdom's Call 1 Does not wisdom call out? Does not understanding raise her voice? 2 On the heights along the way, where the paths meet, she takes her stand; 3 beside the gates leading into the city, at the entrances, she cries aloud: 4 "To you, O men, I call out; I raise my voice to all mankind. 5 You who are simple, gain prudence; you who are foolish, gain understanding. 6 Listen, for I have worthy things to say; I open my lips to speak what is right. 7 My mouth speaks what is true, for my lips detest wickedness. 8 All the words of my mouth are just; none of them is crooked or perverse. 9 To the discerning all of them are right; they are faultless to those who have knowledge. 10 Choose my instruction instead of silver, knowledge rather than choice gold, 11 for wisdom is more precious ...

It felt good to run, I was keeping a good steady pace, and it didn't seem that I was too winded. The air was fresh and soft on my face as I trotted along the trail. The dirt trail was in a wooded area and it circled around for about three miles. There were some people on the trail besides myself and my friend, and everyone seemed in a chipper mood. They all seemed to nod and smile as we passed them on the trail. As I ran I felt happy too, I also had some good conversations with God and my friend who was with me. I wondered if these people were happy because they ran on a regular basis too. Out of the blue, I was startled. My heart began to pound, and the next thing I knew I was opening my eyes too see the ceiling in my bedroom. I realized that I had been startled by our neighbors pounding on the wall next door. I lay there for awhile, breathing, and waiting till my heart stopped pounding so fast. Well it figured, me running, that never happens. I could feel my arm start to tingle, ...

When I was young I think everything was new and it was easer to look with hope on the future. Now on the other hand, it seems it's harder to do so. I don't think I should be having this issue. If it weren't for a walk with God, my soul would be dead right now. These days I feel like my insides are holding on by way of the tips of my fingers. I feel my mind slipping slowly from the edge of the huge ravine that doesn't have an end. Though part of me, probably the part of me that God occupies, says, "let go trust." I'm not sure what it is I’m holding on too still. Maybe it's marriage. I don't want to lose hope for that though. The vast abyss of adventure calls to me to let go. When I was young, I would climb the best trees in the neighborhood. I often tried to find the highest limb I could jump out of with out hurting myself when I landed. I loved climbing and jumping out of trees. There was always that moment just before I leapt of, owowow…, you k...

I can't shake this really tired feeling I have had for the past several days. I don't understand it, I got too bed before midnite two nights in a row, and yet I still feel like a slug. I ordered a new bed last week it should be delivered to my house mid week this week. I hope that will make a difference with my ability to get a better night sleep. The bed I'm trying to sleep on right now is a little saggy in the middle. Maybe, I'm still tired from the beginning of the week when I stayed up to late. Yesterday, the sun was shinning. Oh how great it was. I and a few of my friends threw a Frisbee around and then played some bocce ball. I love it that when the sun shines, people flock to brains’ park. My eyes wonder around the park, and take in all the different kinds of ways others like to take in a sunny day. As I took all the people sights in yesterday, I was reminded of a dream I had a few years ago. This was one of those dreams that you really didn't want t...

Here I sit in Barnes & Noble drinking cinnamon dolce steamer samples and mocha frapachino……….. huuuummm… losing my train of thought more often than not…. that’s a bunch of magazines on that magazine rack…… It’s huge and distracting too me…. It has all possible magazine types, for all types of interest and issues out there today, at least in the U.S. , even some international magazines I see……… Oh look at that one; Mary Jane's Farm Magazine…. that’s funny, because my Mom’s name is Mary Jane….. What a name….. Why did they call weed, Mary Jane I wonder..., Did a Mary Jane farm weed at some point? I’ve never smoked weed before… I probably never will, but, I do wonder what the big deal is. I guess, perhaps maybe I would smoke it once, if I had an opportunity…. I did decide about two years ago that I should not smoke anymore; I can feel how bad it is for me every time I do it. Sometimes though…… I really want to smoke not regular cigarettes, but cloves, cigars, pipes and sheesha. My ...