The Color Green

I had won great seats at a really nice theater in this really huge really swanky Mall. The mall was beautifully built and it was in a historic part of the city. The mall it’s self had a historical feel like it had been around for a few dacades.  The theater was fashioned in style of the old theaters.  I waited near the front of the line to enter and find my seats to the movie. I knew the movie it was one of my favorites the Lord of the rings and they were playing all three movies. During the movie I got up and left the theater I don’t remember why I decided to leave but I had my ticket so I would still be able to get back in.  I got lost a bit because the Mall was huge, and I wanted to take a kind of Mall tour.  Part way through my getting lost I started missing the movie, but I wasn’t too worried because well I knew how it ended.  I Know the end of the story! This whole story was well, a dream, and I woke and laid in bed just pondering it. The point I think, ...

John 16 "we will never walk alone" -"don't worry I'm going to send the spirit  the spirit" He is going the convict the world of sin. Not us.  -the spirit gives us personal assurance that we are a child of God a seal of our redemption in Him. - the spirit helps us in our weakness because we don't even know how to pray.  -the spirit produces fruit in our lives. the gifts of the spirit are for edification of others.  • stop living like orphans • the spirit is working in you • we witness but the spirit convinces  • the spirit gives us eyes of faith • the spirit provides guidance when confused • walk, dance, and run in the spirit 

I was awake at 10 minutes till 9am this morning.  After dressing for the day taking a brush to my hair and teeth I made my way to the lower level also known as the kitchen and living room.  I stood there looking at the contents of my fridge wondering what I should eat. I knew what I was going to drink of course, coffee, oh but wait I didn't have any cream. Oh well I guess I was making a Luck's run immediately. I pulled my boots and coat on, snagged the keys and made my way to the vehicle. At Luck's I bought half&half, fresh squeezed orange juice and two containers of Australian coconut yogurt, yum! Back at home,then about 10:10am, I cracked open psalm 139 and made coffee and ate yogurt and wrote in my journal and began my day of prayer.  I say began, because I've noticed that if I start my day in prayer, He tends to keep me there for the rest of my day.  

On Friday as I looked out the window I saw a large picture of grey, all different shades of it. The colors that weren't shades of grey popped  out here and there. Even if they did pop out a little they were muted by the grey. Or maybe they were just over powered by the grey. This was my perspective at the moment.  The muted pops of color are washed out glimpses of a truer picture, a picture without the filter of sin. A picture that faintly flickers in my hearts eyes. A place without sin has light that helps us see all the colors clearly, light that is warm and home.  today it's white.

We are, all of us flawed, or under a curse of sin.  All of us!! I think it is easy to look at others and expect them to do and be what we think they should do and be. We say to ourselves in our heart, that they are the problem. We pray why won't you change them God to be what I want them to be, or why won't you make them stop doing the thing that is causing the problem or pain.  In this we forget that we could be the problem that we are flawed and cursed and we could be part of the problem. we forget to look at ourselves and consider that we are the ones who need to do and be differently. We don't consider we need to be changed because we are to busy trying to get others to be different or change.   But, we,all of us, are flawed or under a curse of sin.  Including me! I need to do and be differently to be the one who is changed!!!  I, We, are not able to change unless we seek God every minute every hour of each day.

I'm rich! So many times I want more of this or that. I have more than enough and yet I buy, buy, buy, until the place I live isn't big enough for all the stuff I don't need or use. The truth is I don't need a bunch of stuff to survive in fact I really don't need much. 

It's morning, I'm on the front porch with coffee and jounal on the table next to me. The sky is blue today there aren't any clouds, that I am able to see.  The air is cool and it smells like autumn to me, already the trees have started their yearly decorating of the lawn.  There are orange yellow and brown leaves scattered about the grass that now has lost a little bit of it's dark green luster.   This time of the year is my favorite, I'm pretty sure I say it every year.  I always manage to write it at least here on this blog.  For some reason it is one of the most romantic parts of the year for me. It's that way to me because, it's full of color, full of change, full of reminders that God does amazing things with us even though we are fallen, even though we are still in our sinful self.  So today, even though it's not technically autumn yet, I say good bye to summer, and I thank God for the work of his beautiful death on a tree to make us new in Him. ...

How do we know when someone we are close to is not speaking helpful things into our life, though they may be trying to help they may be instead speaking out of fear. Their words comes out as if words of caution or care, but it instead becomes condemnation to the person it is for.  In that moment do we consider all parts of what is said and pray God will help us to see what is true? The scriptures have spoken clearly today about the condimnation part of what was said. Praise God, but I think it has hurt my heart a bit and I'm feeling more fearful now. I feel like pulling away but, I know that is not what I'm supposed to do. Oh God, I need help to not pull away please, but maybe balance please clearty, yours.

What ever keeps me close to you Oh God, put it in my life.  Though it hurts and aches though it wrenches my heart and soul over and over again, yet will I trust you.  At times it pulls me down under the air, I grasp for the pain to stop.  I cry out to you, soon my days and nights are  ceaseless  prayers that bring tears to my eyes for hours until I fall asleep only after I'm weary with struggle. Sometimes I am woken by the struggle once again, I cry out to God, and again I drench my pillow with tears, I finally fall asleep.  I'm crying out to you Oh God over and over. I guess that's good if it means that I walk so close to you, but damn, it really hurts.  Why does it take pain for us to remember to just rest and abide with you, to trust you, to talk to you, to give up the things we struggle with the most.  I'm sure that this post is a broken record, but I'm broken and there is nothing else for me but to be on my face.

John 6:35-40 NIV [35] Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. [36] But as I told you, you have seen me and still you do not believe. [37] All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away. [38] For I have come down from heaven not to do my will but to do the will of him who sent me. [39] And this is the will of him who sent me, that I shall lose none of all those he has given me, but raise them up at the last day. [40] For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.”

If we believe in Gods Son: Jesus Christ, we are redeemed, in him we are saved. Jesus Christ is the good news.  Yes there is a lot of things that are unclear, and as we seek to draw nearer to God he makes things clearer, but this Good News is not one of them! John puts it simply let's not complicate his words people:  John 3:16-21 NIV [16] For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. [17] For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. [18] Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because they have not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. [19] This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. [20] Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be...

Maybe it's because I love film so much, but the day to day living is better with a tune.  One of the reasons I like coffee shops is that they play cool music.  Starbucks plays a lot of the kind of music I like to listen to,I think that's one of the reasons I go there most, to get my coffee on.  When I think about that,I guess that in general I must tend to be drawn to things based on the sound track going on eather in film or place.  I don't always have music on, sometimes I need quiet, but, most of my days have some kind of music playing in the back ground,(Example of that is 8 hours of relaxation music while I massage out tight muscles) after a long day of tranquil music I get into the car and crank the thrash music it's so relaxing! LOL!

We can't always give up on the job or the work or the relationship because it's hard or because it's not challenging enough or not exciting enough. Some times there are times to walk away but some times we have to press on we have to make an effort we have to show up and learn how to be better. In those times we must bind ourselves to Our mighty awesome gracious God because he will be our strength and stamina our help in times when we feel like giving up. 

It's cold outside and when I was younger, it never bothered me much, but lately, I like it less. I also find myself wanting to just stay in my nice warm cosy house. It's warm inside and on days when the sun shines my favorite thing to do in the winter is to sit next to a sunny window in the house with a book, and a good cup of coffee of course. Ahhh a taste of the good things to come I guess. 

This heaven and earth seems as if it will pass away.  Even Revelation seems to say that it will  Revelation 21:1 NIV [1] Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. The first heaven and the first earth will pass away.  Christians I've noticed look at scripture like this and deside that the earth and all that's in it are not worth our care or consern. It's all going to pass away so why bother. Maybe that's not what they think but it feels like that sometimes.  Personally I tend to forget that this heaven and earth are never going to pass away. Yesterday though as I was rereading Revelation 21 I was reminded.  As I sat and thought about that I felt a little sad. I felt sad because this first heaven and earth is passing away because of sin and it wasn't supposed to be like this. Sometimes, actually more than sometimes, I wonder what this heaven and earth were like before we br...

Hebrews 11:1-3 NIV [1] Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. [2] This is what the ancients were commended for. [3] By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. It feels harder to hold onto faith and hope these days.  I wonder why? It feels like age might have something to do with it, or maybe it's the Bloomington Indiana winter blaws.  Maybe it's just the mundane everyday living life blaws.  As I sit here thinking about how unmotivated I feel I am realizing that often times these feeling are of my own making.  The choses I make have a whole lot to do with where I'm at in life right now.  I know that there are some things I need to do differently.  Why is it so hard to change the things that I don't like about myself?  I keep going down the same roads, I keep making the same mistakes. I feel crippled by my own foolishness. De...

Last year I decided to cut the cable. $120 dollars for not much of anything, and flipping through stations to find something to watch is not fun.  The only thing I miss is live sports. All that to say that my new favorite game day hang out is Buffalo Wild Wings! 

Other people's perspective is good.  When I spend to much time by myself I lose out on perspectives that are not all about me. The easiest place to live my life is without others, it's less complicated less messy.  It's also less of my flaws being seen by others who may chose to toss me away because of them. Why would I risk that?  Despite my selfish lazy tendencies in relationships with others, I have to say that I was not created to live this life unto myself. I was created to live life with others and for others. I fail to do so on so many accounts all the time.   Lately though, I have to say of all my relationships at least right now, none of them really and truly engage me in very relationally deep ways.  I haven't felt even a little filled, In fact all of them drane me. Ok maybe that is a little bit of an exaggeration, I would say that I have been a part of two small groups and within those groups I have felt better, but I don't feel really close to anyone...

Restless, always dreaming of being somewhere other than here.  This is how I feel most of the time.  I dream of leaving on a plane, I know where ever it goes it has to be better than just being here. I know that I will never feel content to just stay here and never go anywhere else. I also know that this world isn't it. No matter where I go or where I live I'm always going to feel out of place just a little bit off. I lived in Colorado for six years and even there in such a beautifully sunny land I felt disconnect restless. The writer of Hebrews writes: [13] All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance, admitting that they were foreigners and strangers on earth. [14] People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. [15] If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. [16] Instead, they ...

I don't write anymore, and most days I don't even think about writing.  For some reason today I'm thinking about it. I miss it. I'm not a very good writer, I mostly have written, because it felt like it gave me some semblance of sanity to write. A way to organize my thoughts. I read an article the other day that suggests writing is a way to make yourself happier. I wonder how true that idea is? In part I think maybe it makes sense, and sense I've stopped writing, I have felt more depressed, more unhappy than I ever have in my life.  I know though,that part of the habit of writing is the fact that I stop, and be still. when I write, most of the time, I spend time in the bible and in prayer. That has always, for as long as I can remember, been my day's ritual. I think, the part I miss about writing the most is the habit of being with God. I think it's time to get back to writing,at least that's what I want to do.